1. Do not give me a card from the dog.

Some women do want a card from the dog or cat, and that’s fine. I have a few friends who would probably have it on their own lists of demands. Not me. I only want a card from those entities to whom I gave birth and from their father. While I’m on the subject, I don’t want sappy cards or cards that play music. And definitely no card that’s over-sized or that has a punch-out “World’s Best Mom” badge. I won’t wear that.

2. Do not mess up the house, which I will have cleaned on Saturday.

If you make me breakfast (yeah, right) then clean up the mess. If we bring home take-out because that’s what I’ve decided I want for lunch, then you’ll have to clean up after that. This also means you will have to go an entire day without leaving clothes on the floor, or shoes in the living room, or half-empty bottles of Coke Zero on the breakfast bar.Seriously, if this means you have to stay in your room for the entire day, then that’s what you’ll have to do.

As for your bathroom? Just keep the door shut.

3. Stop by the table in the foyer of the church where people hand out carnations for every child to give to his or her mom. I should have 3 flowers in my hand when we leave church.

This is for your sake, not mine. You don’t want to be known as the boys who didn’t care enough about their own mother to walk up to a table and pick up a free flower for her. You also don’t want to be the boys whose own mother has blogged about how her own children wouldn’t walk up to a table and pick up a free flower for her. Don’t think I won’t tweet it, too.

4. Do not talk to me about video games, solar systems or Pokemon.

I don’t talk to you about Jane Austen or crock pot recipes on your birthday (or ever), so back off the conversations that are really just gibberish to me anyway. This is one day of the year that I will not smile and nod and pretend like I’m glad to know how many kills you got or how far away from the sun Saturn is. If you’re not sure if the topic you’d like to discuss will be interesting to me, then just don’t bring it up. A good rule of thumb: Just leave me alone.

5. I get control of the good TV.

And I’m probably going to want to watch a movie that has a lot of dialogue. This will be my way of making sure demand #4 is met. If, however, you’d like to sit next to me and watch the movie with a lot of dialogue without making sarcastic comments about the period costumes or antiquated dancing, you’re free to do so.

Again, a good rule of thumb: Just leave me alone.

lepetitpoulailler:

Personalize Your Books (and book-gifts) … Use rubber stamps to decorate the edges with your message or design. Secure the edges firmly as you stamp. via

René Descartes (via mythologyofblue)

The fear of long words.

(Source: joringel, via crushculdesac)

Why yes, Tom Thumb. I think I would like to use my fuel discount.

Mainstream with romantic elements.

Oh how I want this.

(Source: forwardfitting, via cajunmama)

Thank you, Janet Reid!